Friday, March 30, 2007

Hurt the Pain

Its ok to fall out of love.

Has it ever happened that sometimes when you pursue something / someone for so long that you eventually start feeling that you don’t need it anymore?

Slowly the truth seeps in, though quite disbelievingly, that at one point of time when you thought that there was no way you could do without this one thing in your life, now does not affect you.

That sometimes a tiny gesture or even the feeling of possessing it gave you an adrenalin rush but now slowly you cease to feel it.

Not that you don’t feel any thing about it anymore, but its just that it hurts more than it feels nice. Not the thought but the retropection still brings goose pimples on your skin. You feel the slitting pain - like blood gushing out of a deep wound when your skin is pale and cold. Like its drops of blood on a satin white sheet. And you see your life dreams shatter away.

You get disillusioned – you are not sure if you would want to have the desire again, if you would feel the same child like excitement for it again, ever in your life.

But the only constant part of life is that it moves on. It goes on and on, irrespective of how wrecked you feel – how weak you think you have become.

As Robert Frost wrote in a very famous poem of his, “And I have miles to go, before I sleep”.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I didn't completely understood of what actually u wannna say .. but just say have u ever thought of a feeling when ur heart says "I cann't live with OR without U".

Deepshikha said...

Dear Anonymous
You have got me quite wrong. What I meant is that just like in a river you cant step on the same water twice, similarly everything is transient. And things which matter the most to now may not matter at all tomorrow. So the bigger picture is that you really need nothing because you could do without everything that you once thought you could not live without. So dear friend, I did not want to convey the 'with or without you' syndrome, instead, the gist of the write up was that there is no such thing as ‘forever’.

renu said...

i like what you wrote... because you express in words something i have been thinking about - how everything is so fleeting. and although i don't entirely understand it, i see the beauty in recognizing and accepting the transience, especially of emotions (which i don't think makes the emotion any less genuine). but just as i thought i had "accepted" that nothing is permanent, it tears at my insides and i don't want to let go! :-)

Deepshikha said...

Dear Renu

I was glad to read your comment. You are very right when you say that it hurts to know the time bound endurance of everything around us -- that is human nature -- we tend to cling on to our desires. I had recently read in a book of Buddha the chain of sufferings which start from the senses -> feeling -> desire -> clinging. So Buddha talks of giving up the desires - living a life of a Bhikshu. But then, all of us are not Buddha's and becoming one like him is also not simple, so I don’t advocate the attachment less existence. I think we all need to find our own middle path.