I am very fond of films, but I am not a sincere audience – what I mean is that I most often watch films at the end of my day, just before I sleep, and hardly watch the entire film in one go (yes, you can frown!). But yesterday was different, I watched a film by Govind Nihalini called, ‘Drishti’.
This film is about a couple played by Dimple Kapadia (as Sandhya) and Shekhar Kapur (as Nikhil) who have a 7 yr old daughter, and who eventually part ways after a 9 year long relationship.
It’s difficult for me to describe the entire story in a systematic way, but I shall try and discuss the plot.
If we question why at the first place Sandhya had a fling with the young musician (played by Irfan Khan) when she looked pretty content in her life with Nikhil and her child, I think the answer is maybe she was bored with the routine and the mundane activities and repetitions and predictability that a marriage brings. And so the moment she met this young mysterious man who shared the common interest of Music with her and displayed much affection and passion towards her, she got into a ‘harmless’ relationship with him. However, when she felt that soon this fling could spill over and destroy her stable family – whom she loved – she backed out and called off the relationship with Irfan. All this while, she was very sure that her relationship with Irfan was not of love, but of passion and adventure, and at no point was she ready to pursue it at the cost of messing up her family life. At a certain point, she also says that Irfan had the eyes of a newly born calf – very ‘vulnerable’ and ‘dependent’. So maybe she also had this feeling of being ‘prime’ / ‘important’ / ‘perfect’ which added to the fervor and her attraction towards him.
Now talking of Nikhil, I suppose, he was looking for the same Sandhya he fell in love with years ago – the one who was energetic, new, fresh and lively. And when he failed to find the person with whom he could communicate and enjoy like he used to, he was drawn away and drifted towards a much younger woman who filled up that void.
Anyway, proceeding with the story, one night Nikhil sat with Sandhya and told her about his affair and informed her that he would be moving out immediately since it is difficult for him to spend even a single day with her. Quite a few months passed and just a day before their divorce, Nikhil visited Sandhya and expressed his desire to return to her giving her reasons that even when he was with this new woman, Sandhyas’ memories never left him (not to forget, he said the new woman had become strange and domestic and perhaps in love with another younger man). This area is a bit gray, since they show a shortly revived passionate moment but the very next scene hints that they had the divorce anyway and later became friends.
Now if I come to think of this particular story and analyze why their marriage did not work, I think it just the lack of efforts by both of them to overcome the obvious consequences that familiarity and routine brings to ones life. I am saying the above statement in context to relationships which have matured and is based on more intelligent reasons like intellect, sharing similar ideas about life, appreciation of the partner and his/her personality and character. I don’t know very clearly, since I am not saying that couples have to stay together even when they don’t have the desire, but what I am saying is that maybe one should not walk out simply because there is no passion in their relationship. Passion is transient – what you are passionate about today, may become boring / familiar tomorrow. And we are talking of people here, not objects. I think its grossly unfair for the other person (You may argue that staying with someone you don’t love is being unfair to yourself and in a way also unfair to the partner, but that is another debate). I agree that to maintain a bare minimum health in a relationship there should be a mix of discipline, trust, respect, space and adventure. And it would work only if the couple shares this responsibility of maintaining sanity, peace and affection. Its easy to say, its not working, but its only fair and honest to discuss, talk and then respectfully decide what needs to be done.
I know may be I am talking of ideal relations, but life is anything but ideal. I have hardly heard of thinking people having one marriage. But I still have not completely understood why it can be impossible to maintain a unique and ‘custom-made’ relationship with their partner – particularly when the initial deciding factors were not frivolous.
You are born with most of relationships, only friendships and partners are chosen by us. Don’t choose if you are not sure. And if you get in, you must have a very good reason to walk out. Don’t you think?