Saturday, February 10, 2007

A road to nowhere?

All of us have done so many things in life -- had so many experiences - mostly bad and some good - but that’s how we are the person we are now -- But I still think that, this
definitely does not mean that we can allow ourselves to get butchered by people and life all the time thinking that its making us better as a person -- I mean after a limit, it is actually foolish optimism if we continue thinking this way.-- There has to be an end to designed sufferings and a there must be a significantly long period about which we can be happy and peaceful about when we look back into our lives on our dying day.

I am very certain that I don’t want to cheat on myself by trying to do 'in/cool/intellectual' things when I know that deep down it does not keep me happy. I don’t want to spend my days in such a manner that when I get into bed and when the entire world is sleeping - I am scared, lonely and miserable.

There is a need and desire in every human being - and its extremely important for each one of us to correctly judge what makes us happy - friends, companion, books, work, wealth, a stylish life -- or maybe all of them in some level -- And if its all of them, which it most certainly would be, then we should try thinking of the most important factor -- for your smile. When you are naked and most vulnerable -- what is it that keeps you warm and helps you gather into the man/woman you are. Unless we know what we want the most, we can for sure not get it -- just because we don’t know about it ourselves.

Recently I have witnessed betrayal faced by me, yet again and a couple of close friends -
was wondering if it is correct to say that "He/She did it to me" - One of my very close friend Sanjay righteously points that, It is not solely the fault of the person who did a wrong doing, instead it is also your fault because, it was none other than You, who allowed him/her to treat you this way - In short, "you called for it".

Let me just pick up something directly from his reply to what i wrote in the first 3 paragraphs of this blog entry (which actually was a part of the email i had written to this adorable man), Sanjay wrote, "Here is where I differ from you. The fact that I have suffered, been betrayed, have cried, have been unhappy; is a part of my life. I will not give all this away for any amount of happiness. I would not have understood the meaning of love, friendship, loyalty and all the tender emotions that make our lives warm if I had not been through these hardships.

There is no denying the fact that all this has also made me cynical. But "jahan main aisa kaun hai, jisko gham mila nahi"! Come on Bubblz, life would have been so fucking boring if there were only happiness to live for.

We are very lucky that we have not got everything in a platter. We really have had to struggle hard and travel the tough road to get things that we really really want, and I am not talking about career and other comforts of life. But at the same time, we should also acknowledge that no one pushed us into these situations. We happily walked into them. Thats how we are Bubblz!

I look at it this way. If first X and then Y and Z would not have betrayed me and screwed me up, I would still have been living with these selfish people thinking they are my friends and would not really have understood, who they actually are and who I am. I would not have come across delightful people like you, A, B, C, D. And now if you ask me, I would never exchange my life where I have these people with the life where I had X, Y and Z. Nevertheless, I am with my present friends because my early life shaped me."

For the sake of privacy, I have used symbols (X, Y, Z, A…) to represent people.

I actually agree quite alot to what Sanjay had to say, but my concern is, for how long should each one of us lead a nomadic life. Will there really be no day when we would feel to be belonging to some place, some home, some one?

I guess everyone has different expectations from our life. I would actually love to know about others expectation of life - what is their deepest of desires? - how much we differ? Can someone share??

11 comments:

Aman said...
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Aman said...
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Aman said...

Yaar Sachhee boloon.. Samajh main nahi aaya.. :(( Aap kehna kya chah rahe ho ??

May be its because my understanding level has not reached upto that point to understand such things.. :((

Deepshikha said...

Aman, what I meant to ask was that what is is that makes you happy? What is most important/essential in your life - or in your image of the kind of life you would want to lead?

Divya said...

Don’t you think, what makes us happy keeps changing all the time ??
If you ask one thing that I desire from my life that would be to live it my way. I don’t want to be guilty of anything I do or want to do…Be happy you had those people in your life and you spent some precious time with them. Be happy you chose them, its better than somebody else choosing them for you. Remember those lines “I am not unhappy its over; I am happy it happened”.
I don’t want to use the word betray for the people who were important to me, loved me and made me learn so much…. its just like insulting our good times… Till the time they were with you, they were your friends (you cant doubt that) and now they have decided to move on a path, which you don’t want to accompany…
Wat I think is making you unhappy is that they are no more a part of your life…but this is how it always goes…. our needs, desires and expectations from a relationship keep changing. We are evolving (not changing…) every day and everybody needs (and should be given) freedom to do that. I don’t want to go far, I ll take my own example…Earlier I used to define a friend as ‘somebody who never lets or makes me cry..’ but now I define it as ‘someone who gives me his/her shoulder to cry as much as I want..’ and in this process I might loose some people as most of us have a tendency to resist change…Do you think I betrayed them ?? They might think this as I am not the same as the earlier Divya but this is how I am and I want to be…I don’t want to pretend and live a fake life just because it makes my old friends happy and on similar lines I want them to be themselves. Wat would you choose in the two options… one is your frnd not talking to you and the other is he does not want to talk to you but is talking just to see you happy? The first option is tough but I will go with it because the second option is very temporary and fake and I would like to accept this reality that this burden of fakeness could not be carried very long.
One more thing I desire desperately is that I don’t want to be measured…. I don’t want to be labeled…not as a friend, not as a lover not as anything….I am someone who wants the right to change .I want to have freedom to say what I like, feel, want, desire etc etc…

What we do is, you call me your friend then you tell me (or expect from me ) the a,b,c’s of a good friend , then you start comparing me with other friends (that is how u said that the present A,B,C are better than the earlier ones) and that’s how we create all the mess….
Are you so sure that these A, B, C will always be in this category of the good ones??
I don’t want to be a part of this race of comparison, measurement……… I think I am much more than these a, b, c’s by what I have an existence in your life…. this is how you have defined me in you life and I don’t like this…. give the good ppl u chose a chance to feel free and live. Accepting the differences is the best possible solution I can see right now…..
All this shows how selfish we are (I wrote this in one of the comments to your blog). Earlier we accept, better for us….!!
Quite a long reply, I don’t know how I wrote all this….

Deepshikha said...

Divya

You got me wrong - the essence of what i wrote was not to judge our past relationships to be right/wrong or, good/ugly - instead, what i meant to write is wheather or not a person desires to get the primary thing of their life right for good. The primary thing again can be anything - and very truely can be changing -- but what changes, i beleive is not what is primary -- say a feeling of being loved - a feeling of coming home to someone -- that if is primary for you, then it wont not change. Other important things like the type of friends, the type of person you want to come home to, - or the type of books - or the type of places -- that might change -- My qustion was not about how you take a "separation" - instead my question is what is your deepest desire. Sayng something like, leading my life my way is too generic - every intelligent human being wants to be independent. No offenses to what you wrote -- since i think you did write some nice things. Just recalling a line i read somewhere "Just because you think you dont have a vision or a responsibility, could very well mean that you havent sought them out.".

Divya said...

I honestly believe that anything is possible....every of our desires can change (primary or secondary....).This is how we learn and evolve...
e.g I love movies....
I see Hazaro Khwaishe Aise, I can feel true love....
and I see Parzania, I feel like killing myself,just waana run away from this ugly world....
These both feelings do not hold secondary importance in my life.

Livin my life my way means that things I find good or even right today, I might not feel the same tomorrow and I dont want to be guilty about them simply because I have reasons for them today and I am sure if I change, I ll have good reasons for them.
I see back in my life and see many such things and accept them happily(sach mei yaar....believe me if u can).
Words like good,bad, right,wrong,ugly beautiful are sooooo relative and therefore loosin importance in my life....

Important lesson of my life, I wanna share.
Have good reasons for things u do and u ll be free of all fears !!

Divya said...

From the example I meant that I might not feel the same way after some time...I might have some new refined definations for these emotions....

Anonymous said...

mere khayal se Divya and Deepshikha are talking about two different things. But I still have not figured out what is the common talking point. What Deepshikha is trying to say is I think very personal. On the other hand what divya is saying is very general. But I do have a few comments. First for Deepshikha. Mujhe lagta hai ke the fact that you have been able to put down on paper, or in this case a computer, what you are feeling is a sign that you are trying to rationalize. Which is a good thing in my opinion.

Coming to Divya, I am not sure, if I totally agree with you on how you look at betrayal, friendship, happiness and blah blah blah...

First Betrayal. Its a very basic human emotion like love, jealousy, hatred and its ok to feel betrayed because there are real people who are on either side of betrayal. Come on, if there was nothing called betrayal why would Julius Ceasar say "Et tu, Brute?" ("Even you Brutus?");this expression has come down in history to mean the ultimate betrayal by one's closest friend. People who know Shakespear who are familiar with Macbeth, Othello would know that jealousy, hatred,betrayal,love have inspired painters,writers and poets to create masterpieces. Whether there is a rational justification for such basic instincts and emotions, is a different question.

Secondly, I agree with Divya when she says,"I am not unhappy that its over; I am happy it happened". I would like to add a small twist to this statement. I would say," I am happy that it happened but I am also sad that its over." I think feeling sad over something which was good but did not last is perfectly normal. Is happiness the only thing that matters in life? Isnt there a place for sadness? Even divya felt sad when she saw Parzania. Why?

If friends decide to move on in a different direction in life, its not betrayal. Drifting apart would be an appropriate word and that happens for a reason. Every relationship brings in 1)a fabric of trust and 2)a boundary. I cannot firget the words that Sid (Akshay Khanna) says to Akash (Aamir Khan) in "Dil Chahta Hai": "Har dosti ki ek hadh hoti hai." Its when this trust is broken and this "hadh" crossed, we feel betrayed,angry,cheated and what not. In my opinion its perfectly normal. But then I am a nobody, certainly not an expert on relationships.

Divya said...

Dear Anonymous, Do u accept everything wat Shakespear had said?? Is the reason that Shakespear said so good enough to accept something ?? Why not think over it and then find your own reasons....
I did not say that their is nothing like betrayal..Betrayal is something in which u blame the other person and I just want to think that can u really blame somebody if he is not feelin the same as u do ?? Nobody stopping u from being sad...but blame urself and not the other person for your sadness....

ashish kumar pathak said...

i know i am a stranger here. 2day nly i came across it. Nd no doubt its the best one i hv cme across.
Cming 2 my xpectations, sabse pehle i want 2 feel a gud human gud human being inside me.
Then 2 do smthng gud for the unfortunate ones. Wanna feel them, know them, talk 2 them.
A world tour
nd xpecting her love me bak..